Wednesday, January 23, 2013

When you have a hurt that just won't go away.

I'm going to tell you something I don't tell just everyone.

My close friends know this, and I talk about it with my husband. (Usually at about 3am. When he's been sound asleep. And would have liked to remain so. And, um, I must confess: sometimes I do the "ugly cry" that has snot involved, which is really sexy... sarcasm... please forgive me.)

But I want to tell you, because I wonder if maybe you can relate.

I have chronic pain.  And it sucks.

For several years (YEARS!) I wake up feeling about 105 years old. Creaky, stiff, sore. Yucky.

You know what?
It really ticks me off. 

The crappy thing about constant pain is that it becomes like a leaky faucet
that just continually drains the energy from you.
And it feels like a little bit of who I am has faded 
from glare of hurting so much of the time.

It makes me feel like my sparkle is dimmed. 
And THAT makes me angry.

Why am I telling you this today?
Because maybe you have something that hurts a lot of the time, too.  
And maybe like me, you feel like it is whiny-sounding and annoying to talk about it in a real, raw way.

Maybe you feel kind of alone in the hurt.
Or you may feel worried that whatever this thing is you're dealing with is going to threaten the dream you carry so carefully in your heart.

Sometimes, I do.
I feel worried, not for my health, because nothing debilitating is going on.  It's just a humongous aggravation.
But I do worry for my dream.

For over 6 years, my heart has carried around what I believe is a God-breathed desire to adopt.
And what if my pain threatens that?
What if my husband thinks it's too much? (Because he is so darn precious and protects me and looks after me, like, insanely well. The man is a force to be reckoned with when it comes to his family.  Have I mentioned he's my hero?!)

I'm starting to piece together some truths about pain and about dreams, and I will share those with you next time we're together.

And I'll be darned if I'm going to let some aches and pains steal my sparkle.
Some things a girl just has to fight for.
Sparkle tops the list, ok?

For today, please know you are not alone.
If your body hurts you, or if the ache you feel is in your heart....
You are not alone.

There is hope.

Let's sit together again really soon and work through this hurting-stuff together, ok?
We'll whisper truth to our dreams.
We'll get real about prayer.
And we'll pour a second cup of coffee and get down to business about keeping the sparkle.

Because living anything less than fully is just not going to cut it with us, right?!

If you have hurts I can be praying for, I would love to have you share prayer requests with me. If you're not comfy posting in the "comments," you can email me, ok?  shannonwheeler05 at hotmail dot com (I promise to pray and to respond to you)

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