Does this dog make my butt look smaller?

If' you've been hanging around here much, you probably know how much I like exercise.  Like...
Not.  At.  All.

(this is obviously not an exercise picture)

I've had a time-and-a-half the past year with fibromyalgia, and exercise has ranked right up there on my list of things I'm dying to do right along with:
 * gouge my eyeballs out
 * pick up a spider without at least 3 wadded-up paper towels, and
 * dilate past 3 centimeters without an epidural.
Seriously.  I am that averse.

Unfortunately, I'm now at the age where my skinny-girl jeans (not to be confused with "skinny jeans," the cut) will not fit beauteously unless I make sure I'm not cheating on my Weight Watchers points and yes, exercise is helpful, too.

I want more energy.  My kids range in age from 4-14, and they are a million miles an hour.  My soul is only really energized when I'm "creating" and dreaming and being engaged.  And being exhausted like I have been is way-stifling.  It is totally cramping my style.

I hear exercise is energizing.  This knowledge has been around since the dawn of time, probably, but I've been ignoring it.

So I'm getting a toe in the water, thanks to our 'doodle.  I'm now dog walking.

I swear this dog is good for my figure.  He needs to go walking every day, so we go all over the place. Up to this point I've had a tiny dog whose exercise needs - I have maintained - are fully satisfied by running circles around the dining room table from time to time.   

But a 'doodle must walk. Therefore I walk.  And I don't even hate it! (I guess all the experts are right about the positive effects of exercise... who knew?)

We've been chatting a lot about happiness, and today I want to shift gears only a little, to encourage you to take good care of yourself.  (And it's not selfish.  So don't even start....)  

Most of the friends I have are not wrestling with how to do good for others or how to be generous or how to be selfless.  Maybe I just have a weirdly wonderful group of friends?  But seriously - you do a lot.  You give a lot.  And that's good.  It's what really blesses us inside our hearts the most, right? 

There is something else I know about you, though... 

If there is something that's allowed to fall through the cracks in your life, my friend, it's probably you.  And I care about you too much to sit by and say nothing.  

You have your own set of challenges that tug at your energy and your spirits.  You hide them away most days, but sometimes you peel back the layers and let a glimpse of the hurting places be seen.  

The only way I know to get past the hard places is to refuse to hide them away.  Instead, I whisper my story, because somewhere in the telling is where I'm most reminded that God is still writing good stuff.  

And there is relief from pain, and there is rest, and there is a way to choose joy.  

A goofy dog has been part of making "taking better care of myself" more fun (and more likely to happen regularly, since I hear that exercising him will make him less likely to destroy my house as well as making my butt smaller).  

Are there things you know you should be doing to take care of yourself, but you put it off, because it's not super-fun or there are so many other people who need your time and energy?  

Today, I want you to know something:  You are worth taking good care of, too.  You are worth treating gently.  You are worth the gym membership or the long walk, the time curled up with a good book, or the new journal to write down your "best thing of the day." You are worth the evening out with your husband or the morning laughing with a friend over coffee.  You are worth the nap, girlfriend.  You are worth pushing for answers to why you don't feel well.  You are worth that college course you keep toying with in your mind or that photography class you think would be great "just for fun." 

Not to get all sappy here, but...

You are precious.  And loved.  

3 Places to Invest in Your Happiness Today

There are so many to-do lists, appointments, errands, chores, blah blah blah... all this stuff that we "must" do, so we run around frazzled and disconnected and irritable (or is it just me?) and miss some really easy ways to have a more joyful day.  

Here are 3 ways to increase your happiness today:

Invest in friendship.  

Think of one person you'd love to know better, and invite her to get together for coffee or lunch.  Stop saying things like, "We should get together sometime," because it probably won't happen (and nobody really believes you when you say that anyway, right?).  Grab the calendar and mark down a date.  Get it planned.  You'll feel really energized today and on the day you hang out with your friend. 

Have an old friend you think of but keep not-getting-in-touch-with?  Send an email, or make a phone call.  Or get really old-school and send a letter you wrote by hand.  Or (wait for it) stop by to say hello in person.  One of my best friends from high school and I don't see each other as often as we'd like to, because of kids and life keeping us so busy, but we call each other whenever "California Love" is on the radio, because we remember driving around for hours in 1996 in my old Nissan Pulsar with that playing on repeat in the CD player that was velcroed to my dash.  

Do you have some inside jokes with a good friend?  Text a photo that will make her laugh when you see something only the two of you will appreciate.  Pick up that silly little item that will make her laugh.  One of my friends gave me a "Goats in Trees" calendar at Christmas, so every day I smile at a goat and feel loved by my friend for remembering something silly about me. A new friend at church recalled my love of all things peacock-feather and suprised me after a service one Sunday with a purple satin pen that has a humongous (like, humongous) peacock feather sticking up at the top.  These ladies invested in me, and I remember them every day when I'm surrounded by goats and peacock feathers, and I bet they had some sparkle going on when they were choosing these fun gifts, too.

Invest in strangers. 

There's something so unexpected about a stranger extending kindness, that it's really so invigorating!  

Give a sincere compliment.  Women are so often really catty.  You know it's true, ok?  Next time you see someone with a great haircut, let her know you love it!  (Please do this in a sincere and un-creepy way.  And I recommend complimenting someone of your same gender, lest you be misunderstood as trying to put a move on someone.)

Offer someone you don't know to go ahead of you in a line.  Are you still mulling over whether to get the skinny latte or the 2% milk?  Just say, "You can go right ahead.  I'm still thinking," to the couple behind you.  

Tuesday an older gentleman at the grocery store checkout said to me, "You only have two items.  Why don't you go in front of me?"  I declined at first, but he insisted.  And it was a really big treat, because I was slightly panic-stricken about the gallon of ice cream that was probably starting to melt in my trunk. (I didn't plan my errands well, apparently.)  His kindness to me probably made him feel good, and it was a little sparkle in my morning. 

Invest in you. 

Wake up a little early to read something inspiring. 

Go on a walk outside. 

Choose the sparkly one.

Take more slow, deep breaths.

Eat it even though it's fattening. 

Don't eat it, because it's fattening.

Stop cheating on your Weight Watchers points. You will never eyeball 2 tablespoons of peanut butter properly.
Try that nail color you secretly love but wonder if you're too old to wear.
Stop feeling guilty for not loving to climb through the playground equipment at the park with your kids.
Pray.

Let your teenager take you on a four-wheeler ride, even though you scored a literal "0" in "excitement" on some type of personality profile your mother had to do on you for grad school.

Remind yourself of all the times God has been really good to you.

Allow "it makes me smile" to be a legitimate reason for choosing household decor.  Even the yellow couch.

Keep little notes and mementos in a "special things box." 

Try that project you've been wanting to tackle.

Get the goldendoodle.  

(These are examples from my personal list... feel free to adapt them.)

(a few photos of my sparkle-makers)

Why my bulldog has spent his life wanting his butt scratched and what I'm doing about it.

Big Poppa, our bulldog and the most stubborn creature I've ever known in all my life, is like a totally new dog.  You remember his "issues"? 

My friend Jess, who I've referred to as a dog whisperer, because she is magically brilliant in understanding dogs' communication, is actually a doctor unlike any veterinarian I've ever met.  (If she ever sees patients, I'm taking my animals to her and so should you - but anyway)

She came to consult with me about Pops, whose peeing and barking had put him squarely on my "naughty list." It turns out he has some dominance issues, which surprised me for some reason.  He's kind of passive-aggressive (this is my non-professional assessment), so he is bossy but with a kind, innocent look on his face all the while.  I had thought 100% that Mabel, my tiny little Maltese-mix was the boss around here.

Pops likes his butt scratched.  This is the whole reason we bought Mabel.  Not to scratch his butt, but because my little dog Fifi died and I had doggie-snuggle withdrawal and all I could ever achieve for affection from Pops was the arse-end of him offered for a scratch.

Come to find out, this is dominance.

Jess showed me how to lean over his back when he offers me his "poppa" (this is Russian for "bum" - something we learned in Ukraine, when our friend asked what the dog's name meant, because in Russian Big Poppa means "big butt," which also is very appropriate for him).  So now, I pat his face, then when he turns back-to, I lean over him.  He dislikes this and licks his nose, and sometimes he'll just wiggle out and then turn his butt back to me again, so I do the all-fours walk to lean over him again.

But even the first day of our new "homework" routine, Pops changed.

The goal is for him to let me pat his face, to know that I will have conversations face to face.  And he's starting to get it.  The first evening, the very first one, he began to stay facing me for pats!!!

This, friends, is near miraculous.  For six years, I have only ever had the invitation to scratch his butt.  Do you even know how happy his foolish face makes me!?  I had tears in my eyes.  Truly I did.... This dog has aggravated me to no end with his peeing and barking and his big bulldog butt, and now he's showing me that he can change.  And that he's not hopeless and that we can work our relationship out in a new way.

It reminds me of something my dad used to say sometimes about relationships between people:  That people are always "responding to" us.  And we have this amazing ability to change dynamics in our relationships by changing what we do, which can create a new response.

It's really powerful stuff to consider that we can affect change in our relationships.  There is something very hopeful about dogs.  They live in the now, they want to please, they are so forgiving.  I think that loving a dog moves a part of our hearts that spills over a gentleness and a hopefulness into the rest of our lives.

Pops still may be wanting to pee on the sofa.  I don't know this for sure.  As much hopefulness as spills over from his behind not continually backing into me, I still am not ready to let him near the couch. I probably need to be the "pack leader" with my leaning-over-his-back exercise a bit longer before we go there.  I'm sentimental about Poppa, but it has limits.  We'll get a good week or so of face-to-face chats before we try opening up the den again.

How to ditch the winter blues. (It's cheaper than therapy!)

Come on out of the cold, friend!  It's good to talk on the yellow couch again.  What a snowy, chilly day we're having here in Maine!

My post-Christmas sale-shopping shoe collection can't take much more winter.  Honestly.  I am ready for some un-sensible shoe weather.

It's so easy to get holed-up in the house on these blustery days.  At first (meaning for about one week, and only just prior to Christmas) it's cozy, but after a while I just feel like hibernating, which is not good for a girl's energy level.

This winter I have tried something new, which I am so encouraging you to consider.  It's super-easy and way cheaper than therapy for the late-winter-blues (or blahs).

It's called:
Plan A Coffee Date

Oh my word!  Can it really be that simple, you ask?
Why yes, yes it is.

As you know, I've had several years of this very annoying, style-cramping, energy-draining, sparkle-threatening physical aches and pains and occasional mental fog.  My doc says it's fibromyalgia, but I have had people with Lyme disease tell me that the symptoms are the same, so I'll have a screening for that. It seems there are also some food allergy things that cause similar feelings, so I'm exploring all the possibilities before I feel like tossing my hands up and saying, "ok, it's fibromyalgia."

I've fought against myself daily to just do normal things. But this winter something happened.
I became tired of waiting to feel "normal" to do FUN.

The FUN and the SPARKLE got yanked from the back of my priority list by the scruffs of their necks. They cannot hide anymore.  I am a girl on a mission to live FULLY right NOW.

You deserve that as well.  Your enjoyment of simple things needs to be given a valued space in your life.

Sometimes I have "Christian Woman Guilt."  You know.... I feel like if I'm doing something fun, it's not spiritual enough.  If I'm enjoying something beautiful, or giving myself time to be filled up or nurturing my creativity, I must not be emptying myself out enough and am therefore falling short in my faith.  God doesn't inflict this on me.  It's something I do to myself, and I have to be diligent to address it.  (There is probably more to talk about on this topic, but that's for another day.)

But that's not a full picture.
There are times to pour out, to be emptied, for sure.
But God made us with a spark of creativity that I believe is breathed into us by Him as a way to enjoy life.  And times of rest and nurture and FUN are precious.

This winter I have been making time for relationships.  We need each other, you know.
In my world, COFFEE WITH A FRIEND is the new black.

When was the last time you called a friend and set up a coffee date?
How many times have you said, "Let's do coffee?" and your friend says, "Yeah, call me." And you never call?  (Caught you!)  I have done that way too many times myself.

I've been building in coffee time with my girlfriends, and the benefit to my life is enormous.  While we sit, we laugh and we ponder and we share.  My heart is energized.  In a world of too-busy women, we need to slow down and set the busy stuff aside in order to enjoy the relationships.  We need to get away from the computer screens and the smart phones and sit across the table from each other and do life.

Is there someone you've been hoping to spend time with?  Grab your calendar and make a date.

Invest in a relationship.  
Linger over a second cup.  
Take time to breathe.  

It's good for you.  And it's way cheaper than therapy.